1. 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
2. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
3. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
4. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
5. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
6. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
7. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
8. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
9. All generalizations are false, including this one.
10. All men are idiots, and I married their King.
11. Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
12. Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
13. Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
14. Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
15. Assassins do it from behind.
16. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
17. Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
18. Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
19. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
20. Beer: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
21. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
22. Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
23. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
24. Borrow money from a pessimist, they don’t expect it back.

HOW TO STOP BEARS

This is something funny, completely ridiculous, and UNTRUE, so don’t get smart and search for bears just so you can try and stop them! A good plan for not death is to avoid bears.

So, you’ve got a bear comin’ atcha’. What you gonna do? Well…

Step 1: Got a gun?–Bears respond to certain things, including explosions, earthquakes, and sharks. A good response is just to shoot the bear in the face.

Step 2: Don’t got a gun?–What are you doing? Trekking some woods, or trekking stars or something? You’re asking for trouble. Plus, if you’re an explorer, where is your gun? Seriously, you’re pretty incompetent.

Step 3: Looked for trouble and chickened out?–But if that’s the case, and you feel you don’t deserve to die (if you feel otherwise, see the article on dying effectively), then you need to use one of the more outlandish methods. The most popular of which is known as ”crab time!“. The basic principles of crab time! state that if you walk sideways, the bear can’t get you. Bears can’t walk sideways, and they’d have to turn. So when it turns to face you and then lunges again, just walk sideways again so the lunge misses.

–Handling Exotic Types:

Step 4: So you got a white one?–There are many differences between your average grizzly bear and a polar bear, but the only one worthy of note is that a polar bear is white. With that in mind, you can pretty much use your pre-existing knowledge. But it can use snow, which pretty much rivals that which I have already written. Besides, if a polar bear shuts its eyes and mouth, then digs one paw into the snow while it holds the other over its nose – it turns invisible. When dealing with an invisible foe, there is only one logical solution: urinate everywhere. This will reveal the bear amongst the white blur and allow you to avoid or shoot (assuming you brought a gun this time.).

Step 5: Dang! White and black?!–The rules don’t apply to panda bears because they’re completely harmless. Killing them is made much easier as a result.

Step 6: Classical Brown?–Teddy Bears are ferocious killers, and they walk on two legs. They’re afraid of fire, which can be used to subdue them. Often tribes of teddy bears have different weaknesses, but usually these are written down on a tag on the back of the leg or tail. If you can incapacitate it with flames for long enough you can grab a look and use it to achieve victory.

Step 7: The Ultimate Danger?–The Ursa Major is commonly considered the most deadly and hardest to destroy of all bears. It is a constellation made out of giant balls of fire. Harming this bear has long been the quest of many “closet” bear hunters, unfortunately none have come back victorious, or alive. If I had to give advice on how to destroy it, I would say one should attempt to make the universe collapse into itself, thus eliminating the galaxy in which Ursa Major resides – and maybe a couple of others.

Rumors say, Little Mikey of LIFE Cereal died by eating six packets of Pop Rocks followed by drinking a can of Pepsi. That rumor was proven wrong. The reason why he was the victim was because Mikey was known to many children by his famed commercials. If anything was to happen to him, it would certainly be passed around. The man who played as Mikey, John Gilchrist is still alive and kicking. He now works at New York radio station as an advertising manager.

General Foods was fought back the “exploded kid” rumors on 1979 by making full page ads on 45 publications, sending 50,000 letters to schools all over America, and sent the inventor of the crazed confection to travel around, explaining how Pop Rocks have about the same amount of carbon as a half a can of soda.

At around 1983, the company stopped selling Pop Rocks which was thought to be “proof” that the candy was harmful. What they didn’t know was that Kraft bought the product from General Foods two years later and then sold it as “Action Candy” from a company known as Carbonated Candy. Pop Rocks are sold now under their original name, Pop Rocks Incorporation.

1. An apple, onion, and potato all have the same taste. The differences in flavor are caused by their smell. To prove this – pinch your nose and take a bite from each. They will all taste sweet.

2. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.

3. Only food that does not spoil: honey.

4. When it originally appeared in 1886 – Coca Cola was billed as an “Esteemed Brain Tonic and Intellectual Beverage”.

5. Guinea pigs and rabbits can’t sweat.

6. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.

7. A group of twelve or more cows is called a flink.

8. Pigturducken is a pig, stuffed with a turkey, which is stuffed with a chicken, deep fried in oil, which is usually put into something similar to a horse trough over propane burners.

9. When Gerber baby foods began to sell in parts of Africa, they continued to use their usual packaging, with the cute baby on the front. They didn’t realize until later that where they were selling it, it was a common practice to help illiterate people buy things by putting pictures on the wrapper of what was inside.

10. A ball of glass will bounce higher than a ball of rubber. A ball of solid steel will bounce higher than one made entirely of glass.'

Love that adrenaline rush after fear? See if you’re afraid of these things!

1. Amathophobia- Fear of dust.

2. Chaetophobia- Fear of hair.

3. Graphophobia- Fear of writing or handwriting.

4. Kathisophobia- Fear of sitting down.

5. Nomatophobia- Fear of names.

6. Ophthalmophobia- Fear of being stared at.

7. Scolionophobia- Fear of school.

8. Cacophobia- Fear of ugliness.

9. Chronomentrophobia- Fear of clocks.

10. Ereuthrophobia- Fear of blushing.

11. Geniophobia- Fear of chins.

12. Ichthyophobia- Fear of fish.

13. Macrophobia- Fear of long waits.

14. Pantophobia- Fear of everything.

15. Pentheraphobia- Fear of mother-in-law.

1. A zebra is white with black stripes.

2. All the planets in our solar system rotate anticlockwise, except Venus. It is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

3. Hummingbirds are the only animal that can also fly backwards.

4. Insects do not make noises with their voices. The noise of bees, mosquitoes and other buzzing insects is caused by rapidly moving their wings.

5. The cockroach is the fastest animal on 6 legs covering a meter a second.

6. The word “listen” contains the same letters as the word “silent”.

7. The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it’s head are the rabbit and the parrot.

8. A ‘jiffy’ is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

9. India invented the Number System. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.

10. The whip makes a cracking sound because its tip moves faster than the speed of sound.

11. A hippopotamus can run faster than a man.

12. India never invaded any country in her last 10000 years of history.

13. ‘Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia’ is the fear of long words.

14. Didaskaleinophobia is the fear of going to school.

15. A snail can sleep for 3 years.

16. The names of the continents all end with the same letter with which they start.

17. In 1883 the explosion of the volcano Krakatau put so much dust into the earth’s atmosphere that sunsets appeared green and the moon appeared blue around the world for almost two years.

18. “Almost” is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.

19. Twenty-Four-Karat Gold is not pure gold since there is a small amount of copper in it. Absolutely pure gold is so soft that it can be molded with the hands.

20. Electricity doesn’t move through a wire but through a field around the wire.

As you know it, this is really the level of crap I read all the time. when i'm AFK-ing In granado espada :)

Peace manzzzz

Cherie

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